`like a crash the whole thing spun out of control

[Natalia Anne Kruske]

She missed him. She missed him more than words could possibly express. There wasn't a day where she did not think of him. Her thoughts lingered on him and the mistakes she made that drove him away. She was flawed. She did not deserve him back, but god, she definitely wanted him back. It was like half of her heart was missing. It was like someone had stabbed her in the chest and twisted the knife. It was like being shot to death all over again. She was hurting, badly. However, she kept her smile partially for Isa's sake and partially for her own. She knew Isa hated seeing her friend sad...and Natalia was scared she would do something stupid in her state of depression not unlike Jennah.

Though, in a way, Natalia had failed at that, too. She had done stupid things in her state of depression. She lashed out at people who didn't deserve it. Every time she saw Clyde, though she wanted to apologize, her pride wouldn't let her and she always ended up saying something cruel. Her smoking habit definitely got significantly worse. Her drinking habit also worsened. Though she wasn't starving herself or physically harming her significant other, she was smoking and drinking herself to an early grave and emotionally hurting every one around her. And that was probably just has bad. No. Not probably. Is was just as bad.

And it was time to put an end to it. It was time for Natalia to swallow her pride (and there was a lot of pride she had to down) and set things right for both hers sake and Clyde's sake. She knew they shouldn't ever be like this. THey were Bonnie and Clyde. They were inseparable. They were partners in crime. Hell, if you want to be all cheesy and gushy about it, they were soul mates. They were supposed to spend their youth on the edge and their elderly years laying in bed, laughing about all the wild things they did together. They were supposed to get married. They were supposed to have kids together. They were supposed to age together. They were supposed to die together. Together. Together. Together. Together!! Everything. Everything they were supposed to face in life they were supposed to face together. Her hand in his. Their fingers laced. And without him, Talia couldn't really picture her life. She didn't know what she wanted to do with it, if she wanted to do anything with it without Carter. She wasn't trying to be weak, pathetic or dependent. They had pretty much built their whole future together and when they broke up, the foundation of that dream had crumbled. What do you do when your dreams come crashing down?

She pulled her jean jacket on and headed back for her silver porsche. She lit a cigarette just before getting in the car. When she settled into her seat, she turned the keys in the ignition and pulled out of her parking spot. She had been out all afternoon trying to find Clyde. She hadn't found him at school, so he jumped into her car and literally drove all over Riverdale, looking for him. She had to apologize. She had to. Her behavior was unacceptable and she was tired of crying over him. She was going to have him back one way or another. Of course, she had to find him first. You can't have what you can't find.

She had started the hunt for Carter around 2 that afternoon. Talia glanced down at her radio clock. 12:23. Well past midnight, it was pitch black out and Talia was running out of ideas for where he could be. Perhaps she should go back and check all of them? Talia frowned and puffed her cigarette. She hadn't told Isa where she was going. Isa must be worried sick. She frowned more. To get her mind off of her friend, Talia reached over for the radio and turned it on, pressing the CD button to play one of the six CDs she had loaded in her car. She rolled down her window and threw her cigarette butt out as she drove along the deserted country road, her headlights, the moon and the stars as her only light.

She ignored the music playing, her thoughts elsewhere. However, for some reason, a quieter song with an acoustic guitar, cello and piano intro caught her attention. Softly, the speakers crooned to her. Talia turned the her music up, listening to the lyrics.

It's Twelve O'Clock and I need your attention
It's like the alcohol
Making my head spin
Your scent is the rum
The room is a bottle
Keeping me hopeless 'til I wake tomorrow
If tonight ever makes a difference
The way that I feel
The way that I'll remember it
I'll take this down until the glass remains
Swallow the words that I was meant to say

It's a long drive back to Vegas Skies
So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight

So say goodnight
Our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together and know that the timing was right

An older song. She hadn't heard Vegas Skies or listened to The Cab since her freshman year of high school. Talia wasn't a singer. But for some reason, she felt compelled to sing along. For some reason, the lyrics were touching her heart and she related to them. Also...she was in her car. Who, honestly, would judge her on her singing? Unless Simon Cowell was in the back seat or something...no one. So she sang along.

All of these guards they stand tall and defensive
Putting up walls around what once was innocent
They won't let me in, but I'm stronger than that
'Cause you stole my eyes and I've never looked back
Girl, last night I forgot to mention
The way that I feel, the way that I'll remember this
When we're this young
We have nothing to lose
Just a clock to beat and a hand to choose

It's a long drive back to Vegas Skies
So why don't I make one more wrong turn tonight

So say goodnight
Our first goodbye
I've only got forever and forever is fine
Just take your time
We'll stop the clock together and know that the timing was right

It's a long way down
Just fall into place and you'll fall into me
We'll make it out
You'll see...

...She only hoped Carter and her would make it out. Her bottom lip began to quiver. Talia bit down on it. She clutched her wheel and muttered to herself, "No...no. Don't. He-...he's not worth-...worth tears-"
Oh yes he was. At that, she broke down, sobbing. She didn't even hear the next song on her CD (Thriller by Fall Out Boy). She was just sobbing. She wanted him back. She wanted her baby back. She missed him very much and there wasn't much to her without him.

She was so wrapped up in her sobbing, she didn't notice the other car on the road. She didn't see that the car was swerving worse than a drunk driver in the Bronx. She didn't notice he was in her lane until her tears amplified the brightness of his head lights. Talia froze up and screamed for a moment, reaching for her seatbelt, but it was too late. The truck over powered her little porsche. The truck didn't hit her fully head on and so, her car rolled with her trapped inside.

In a moment of life's sick sense of humor, the last things Talia heard was Patrick Stump singing "So long live the car crash hearts..."
And then she heard the twisting of metal and the sound of her own bones breaking.

[/font]


WORD COUNT: 1314
TAGGED: Beth!/Carter!
LISTENING TO: time bomb - all time low, thriller - fall out boy and vegas skies - the cab
COMMENTS: outfit
...hahaha
[/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

[--I'VE BECOME SO NUMB--]
I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE
B E C O M E S O T I R E D S O M U C H M O R E A W A R E

Carter was drunk. There was really no simpler or easier way to put it: he was flat-out wasted. He was hammered, intoxicated, he’d had way more than he could handle. And his only reason? Just because he could. Alcohol helped him forget. And at this point, there was a lot that Carter wanted to forget. The boy was having worse than a rough time right now. So if you asked him, his reasoning wouldn’t be that it was just because he could, but because he had to. It helped. But it was probably the world’s biggest misconception, that alcohol helped you feel better. It was a depressant. Everyone learned that in health class in high school, and yet almost nobody ever seems to remember it. That or they do, and just choose to ignore it. Carter, well, he was probably skipping class the day they learned that, but even if he had been there, the eighteen-year-old wouldn’t have cared. He’d been drinking for what seemed like ages already, so why would he stop now? It hadn’t done him any harm yet.... And what were the chances of it ever doing him wrong? Pretty slim, in his opinion. He loved alcohol. He loved to drink. And anyone who knew Carter knew that he didn’t care what other people thought; he was going to do whatever the fuck he wanted. So if he told himself that alcohol helped him forget, then he was going to drink, goddammit. And tonight he had certainly done that. Hell, he was still doing it. It was early, only about midnight, if his hazy eyesight wasn’t playing tricks on him as he glanced at his truck radio. He had the rest of the night, and he was feeling damn good.

...If that wasn’t the biggest lie that Carter had ever told. He felt like shit, complete and total shit. Granted, he knew that wouldn’t help him refrain from drinking again the next time he wanted to feel better. His drunk self would probably blow it off as something else, like he’d... ran into a pole or something. That was why he didn’t feel good. But it wasn’t just physical; Carter was hurting emotionally. Most guys won’t show their emotional pain, and Carter was at the top of that list. He would rather no one know about this. This bottle of Everclear was his confidant, he thought with an unamused smirk as he picked up the bottle from the cup holder, raising it to his lips and draining the rest of what was left in the bottom. Gone. A soft frown caressed Carter’s face as he looked down, cranking down his window and tossing the glass bottle into the night. The frown disappeared as he heard the glass break against the pavement, turning back into a smirk. His eyes slowly made their way back to the road, realizing that he wasn’t anywhere near the side he should be on. Hah. Carter swerved his truck back onto the right side of the road, or at least where he thought it was. He was pretty close, anyway. If he was a little off, eh, that was for the other drivers to worry about. They could easily go around him. It wasn’t like Carter was an inexperienced driver while intoxicated; he’d done this plenty of times. He’d never had problems before. So why would he now? Yeah, that was his logic. Nothing bad could ever happen, for Clyde Barrow was fucking invincible.

Invincible. That was a heavy word, invincible. If Carter was invincible, then why was he in such pain right now? Why was he still crying over a girl who didn’t want him, didn’t need him? She shouldn’t matter, she shouldn’t matter to him at all. If she didn’t need him, then he sure as hell didn’t need her. His life would be fine without her. Carter was his own man. He could go and do whatever the fuck he wanted with no repercussions. But he didn’t want to do anything. There was only one thing he wanted, and it was the one thing that he couldn’t have. Take that for fucking invincible. Invincibility felt like shit to him right about now. He saw a stop sign approaching on the country road, but he didn’t bother with it. No one was out this time of night. Besides, they could stop anyway. They’d see him coming. He had his brights on, being considerate so other drivers knew he was there. (More of his intelligent drunk logic.) He’d help them pay attention to the road then. And if they paid attention to the road, then it was okay for him not to. Instead he could think. Okay, maybe that wasn’t a good idea, then. Carter hated thinking. It hurt, and not because he wasn’t as bright as the average high school senior should be. It hurt because of the subject of his thoughts. Always the same. Bonnie Parker. God, did he miss her. He frowned again and reached for the bottle of alcohol next to him... that wasn’t there. Well, fuck. Where the hell was his Everclear? How was he supposed to finish this night without his trusty bottle? Who the hell had stolen it? Bitches. He’d shoot ‘em, he’d shoot ‘em all. Take ‘em down. Blast their brains out. Goddammit. He was thirsty. Drunk thoughts filled his head and he rummaged around his truck for the bottle his sane self knew wasn’t there, but his drunk self was convinced was just hiding somewhere.

And that was when he hit her. He didn’t have the slightest clue it was coming. His head still down and one hand clutching to his steering wheel, he felt his body jerk forward. What the fuck, he didn’t wanna go on this rollercoaster. He hated Hades; he’d told them he didn’t wanna ride. He didn’t wanna go underground! Why didn’t they listen? He didn’t like rollercoasters in the dark! He didn’t... why was it stopping? Was the ride broken? Oh, fuck! Death by rollercoaster wasn’t the way he wanted to go! He had to get out of this thing... he’d jump if he had to.... He was invincible and all, he’d be fine.... But fuck, his head hurt. Carter fumbled with the seat belt strap that he hadn’t even had on; it just clunked into his shoulder in the impact, and well, he wasn’t exactly thinking too clearly right now. He fought with it and his hand groped at the truck door, opening the rollercoaster car handle. They better check this ride out; it shouldn’t be so easy to unlock the safety handle. He hesitantly reached out a foot until it hit grass... woah. This rollercoaster wasn’t far off the ground. And why did this seat feel like his truck? Why did... where the hell was he? Carter frowned when it finally clicked that he was in his truck. Or, well, had just gotten out of it. Well, at least he wasn’t on the damned coaster, right? And what was that in the distance? It looked like... it looked like a car, rolled on its side in the ditch. Woah, what movie was he in? Holding himself up by using his truck, Carter went over to the car, tripping a little when his truck wasn’t supporting him anymore. Dude, this was definitely a fucking movie. This didn’t happen in real life. His hands grasped the side of the red car — it was red, right? He wasn’t totally sure — and he stuck his head in the window, the glass gone. “Whoda..” he started, good intentions evident in his attempt at coherent language, but it failed when he recognized who was in the car. It didn’t matter how drunk he was, Clyde would always recognize his Bonnie. This wasn’t happening... what was going on? This couldn’t be a movie, Talia wasn’t a movie star, and neither was he. “Bonnie,” he mumbled, his eyes wide and his lips barely moving. It didn’t matter again that he was FUBAR as he crawled into the vehicle through the destroyed window and yanked at the straps holding her in, like they’d attacked him in his truck. “Oh, fuck, Bonnie, no..” He got her free, fumbling as he tried getting her limp body out of the destroyed vehicle. It was finally starting to make a little sense, what must have happened. It was finally sinking into his drunken head. There was no rollercoaster. This was no movie. And he might have just killed Bonnie Parker.

WORDS?! i’d rather not tell you
TAGGED?! tina/bonnie/talia!
LYRICS?! numb by linkin park
MOOD?! SO ACCOMPLISHED
OUTFIT?! .....
NOTES?! please explain to me why vegas skies came on when i finished this.
CREDIT?! dreamer boy of caution 2.0! don't steal!

[Natalia Anne Kruske]

Beneath her breast laid Natalia's heart. Yes, shockingly, she had a heart. A heart that pumped blood and kept her alive. But she used her heart for a lot more than she let on. As bitchy as she may seem — and, to be honest, is at times — Natalia loved with all of her heart. She loved her best friend, Isa. She loved Oliver. She loved Tamara. Hell, she even loved Iskander a very, very, VERY tiny bit. Emphasis on the 'very' part of that sentence... And, of course, she loved her Clyde Chestnut Barrow. She probably loved him the most of all. To see any of the people she loved in pain made her heart hurt, too. Literally in Clyde's and Isa's case. Hearing Isa scream at night tore Bonnie apart, especially because there was nothing she could do about it except hold Isa when she woke up (which was part of the reason she didn't like Isa going to Xelios. Xelios seemed to be able to do what she could not. He could comfort her. He had the magic mother fucking touch. One hug from him and Isa was all better. And then she would end up cuddling with him and getting all snuggly and close. She didn't like it. She didn't like it one bit. She was...jealous. She was jealous of Xelios. He could do what she could not. He could make Isa believe things were okay. She was afraid Xelios would take her place and she would lose her best friend). And, of course, she hurt as much as Carter did during this time of separation. Except, his pain was all her fault. It was her fault he was hurting. She had broken up with him in the RSOR room months ago. She had broken his heart. Each tear he shed was for her. Each bottle of alcohol he consumed was because of her. She fucked him up and she would pay the price for his binge drinking one way or another.

She used her heart daily in more ways than one. But now something was wrong. Her normally healthy, big, strong heart was weakening. She was struggling. She couldn't move and she hardly wanted to. She didn't want to open her eyes. She was in pain. So much pain. All she knew was the pain shooting white-hot through her petite body. She felt it everywhere (specifically, though, in her legs. She felt like they were being crushed under something, but she couldn't lift her head to look) and she did not know how to escape it. With eyes half open, she tried to pull herself from the twisted metal heap that was once her porsche. But the pain took over again. It shot up and down her legs. She gave up and laid there. She smelt burn rubber and blood. Probably her blood. This was it. This was how her second life would end. Natalia didn't know much about reincarnation, but she hoped that whomever was in charge of it would let her have a second chance. She died at 23 in her first life. Now she was dying at 18. It didn't seem very fair to her. Yet, that's the way it was. And there was nothing she could do to fight it as much as the natural-born fighter wanted to.

She felt something touch her. Natalia assumed with was the grim reaper or something, taking her away to rot in hell or hang out until she got reincarnated again. Judging by how much it hurt when she got moved (which made her whimper), she figured she would soon take her place in the Inferno. Well, that sucked. Maybe she should have prayed with the Mardi Gras Jesus beads like Isa did. Perhaps that would have saved her life. Or, at least secure a safe and nice place for her in heaven or in "the next life", if there was one. Nice people didn't go to hell or get shitty positions in life. Nice people got repaid the way they deserved. So did bad people. Natalia was a bad person. She knew it. She accepted it. She was a thief and a liar...and as she had been told on more than one occasion, a bit of a whore. Whatever redeeming qualities she may have, as small as they may be, would not add up to be enough to qualify her to be a good person in the long run. She wondered if there were certain people that are just born damned or bad...

Her body was limp and she did not fight off or welcome the touch moving her. Bonnie wouldn't look at it, either. She didn't want to look the grim reaper in the eye. She was afraid to. But then she heard it's voice...that definitely was not the voice of the grim reaper.

“Bonnie...Oh, fuck, Bonnie, no..”

No, that was no grim reaper. That was Carter. Her Carter. Wait...Carter was the one that hit her then. She smelled the alcohol on his breath. He was drunk off his ass. Well, no wonder. He was, generally a good driver. Normally, Natalia would call him an idiot for this but...she just couldn't. First of all, she would not do that to him on their last encounter before she died. That wouldn't be fair to him. Second, how could he be the idiot when his drinking was, as stated earlier, her fault? She didn't blame him for this accident at all. She blamed herself.

What a bummer, though. He wrecked his new car like this. Talia's eyes slid over to where she figured his car might be to see the damage on the Sion cube...and she saw his truck. Oh...what happened to the car she got him? And...wait...holy shit, the truck!? Yeah. She basically just got hit by a tank. She was done for and she knew it. I mean, holy hell. THE. TRUCK. That thing was a piece in the sense that it never worked, but it was no piece when used as a battering ram to knock other cars off the road.

Natalia looked back up at her drunken love. She looked into his eyes and she couldn't help but smile slightly. She missed those eyes. If she could find the strength to move, she would have put her hand on his cheek. "C-Clyde..." She whispered. It hurt her to speak. Still, when was Bonnie Parker known to shut up? "Clyde...I love you...I-...I'm so s-sorry for what-t...I...did..."

She was so glad he was here for the last moments of her life. She looked up at him lovingly as tears formed in her eyes. This was it. This was the end. This was goodbye. At least he knew she loved him. At least she got to say that before she went. Though, really, it was a given. If her love for him carried on into this life, it would obviously carry on to the next or...well, hell, if that's where she was headed.

[/font]


WORD COUNT: 1184...damn. not even close to the 1482 you had in the previous post =[
TAGGED: Beth!/Carter!
LISTENING TO: memories and trade mistakes by panic! at the disco
COMMENTS: nah.
[/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

[--I'VE BECOME SO NUMB--]
I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE
B E C O M E S O T I R E D S O M U C H M O R E A W A R E

There were many different kinds of pain in the world. There was physical pain, like standing up and whacking your head directly on a television set, or breaking your leg. Then there was mental pain. There was emotional pain. And worst of all? There was a mix of all three. And a mix of all three was exactly what Carter was feeling right now. The least of the three was physical pain, how his head hurt from whacking it on his steering wheel during the initial impact. That pain he could handle; he was bleeding a little, but it was nothing serious, and he’d be fine soon. The other two types of pain, however, were much more painful and intense. They sort of tied together in how they applied to Carter in this situation, really. There was so much swirling around inside his head and body right now that he felt he might explode, yet his entire focus and attention was centered on Talia. He couldn’t believe he’d done this. And that was where the gist of the pain seemed to be derived from. This was his fault, this was all his fault. He was still drunk out of his mind, but he could grasp that much. He’d been in a car crash, and he’d been the one to hit her. Now she was dying and it was all because of him. The thought brought tears to his eyes instantly, in spite of how much was going on. He’d killed her! That made him a murderer again, but this time it was so much worse. He loved her. He loved her more than he’d ever loved anything and ever would. And now she was dead. Gone. It was his fault. Everything had been his fault. Carter could tell himself that over and over, repeatedly, and the pain never seemed to lessen.

Carter always tried to look, seem, and act like a tough guy. Most of the time, he was able to pull it off pretty well. But that was because those three aspects were all on the outside. No one knew what really went on inside Clyde Barrow’s brain. No one could understand why he’d hurt Bonnie in the first place — himself included — no one could understand why he wouldn’t just get over it and go talk to her, go apologize, when they were both in so much pain. No one could understand why Carter wouldn’t let anyone tell him that Talia missed him, that she was hurting too, why he wouldn’t believe it. And no one could ever grasp or understand even an ounce of how much pain he was in. He never showed it. He never wanted anyone to know. It’s not like he didn’t want anyone to feel bad for him, because no one would feel bad for him anyway. He didn’t have to worry about that. He was an asshole. He tended to not get along with people in general. Really, Carter didn’t have many friends at all, or even people that he considered himself to be on good terms with. It wasn’t that he went around looking for enemies, everything just tended to end out that way in the end. As mentioned, he didn’t consider himself to be on good terms with many others, but in all honesty, deep down he wouldn’t mind having more people he could talk to, more people he could relate to. The RSOR was supposed to be good for that. A society for other reincarnates, just like him. He should fit right in. But Carter never put forth a lot of effort to get along with people, and now that he was hurting and desperate, he still couldn’t change that initial impression. No one would trust him if he tried.

One of the few people Carter always thought and knew he could trust was Talia, and now she was gone. Or well, as good as gone. She was dying right in front of him, and there was nothing he could do about it. More tears welled up in the young man’s eyes as he held onto her, staring at her, his eyes pleading for her to make it, to pull through, though he knew it was too late. God, he’d missed her so much, and now tragedy was striking like this? Carter couldn’t exactly say he’d planned how things were going to end, but he hadn’t imagined this. “D-d... don’t ‘pol’gize...” he stammered out, holding her weak body close to his and trying not to let his welled-up tears start falling. “Don’t g-go... d-don’t leave me... B-Bonnie, please...” And there they went. A few of his tears slid down his cheeks. He’d killed her, he’d fucking killed her! She was leaving him forever. This was their second chance; what was the likelihood that they’d be given a third? And out of all the ways to die, did it have to be in a car? Oh, God, this was horrible, this was 1934 all over again, only so much worse. He held her closer, his shaking hand gently touching her cheek and wiping away the blood that had accumulated there. “I-I’m sorry.. I’m so s-sorry... I-I can’t...” He didn’t even know what to say. There were no words that could be applied to this situation correctly. He’d fucked up, and he’d fucked up big time. It was too late. Another car that drove past on the road had stopped and phoned an ambulance, but Carter didn’t notice. He was too focused on his love, and his drunken mind wouldn’t have let him focus on other subjects, anyway. “I-I’m sorry... P-please...” Please. That was all he could say.

WORDS?! 946. good enough.
TAGGED?! tina/bonnie/talia!
LYRICS?! numb by linkin park
MOOD?! irritated.
OUTFIT?! .....
MUSIC?! my paradise – all time lw
NOTES?! i included the weird whacking your head on a TV thing in the beginning because sammy did that at a forensics meet and it still makes me laugh.
CREDIT?! dreamer boy of caution 2.0! don't steal!

[Natalia Anne Kruske]

“Don’t g-go... d-don’t leave me... B-Bonnie, please...”

She frowned at his words and if she could have leaned into his touch when he wiped the blood off of her cheek, she would have. If she could, she would have assured him everything would be okay. But she couldn't. She was positive they wouldn't be. She didn't mean to be negative, but look at the situation. Survival was unlikely. This wasn't just a car crash. It was a fucking wreck. She was a wreck right now. Her little body was torn up and bleeding. She was far from okay. But, at least she could be with Carter one last time. She rasped back to him gently, "Th-...the choice isn't mine...to make."

If she could choose, she'd be with him.

She didn't blame him for her quickly approaching death. He was Carter. Being drunk was his thing. Besides, what was the point in dying angry? He was hurt enough as it was. She wouldn't break his heart further by being cold. And if this was their last time together...she wanted to apologize. He told her not to. But she had to.

“I-I’m sorry.. I’m so s-sorry... I-I can’t...”

"No....no, no, no..." She whispered, wishing she could move and caress his cheek. She wished she could give him some comforting touch, but she could not move in general. All she could do was lay there and bleed. "Don't be sorry," She muttered, closing her big brown eyes. "Don't be sorry..." He didn't know this was going to happen. There was nothing to be sorry about in her eyes. At least, on his side of things.

“I-I’m sorry... P-please...”

Her heart broke for him. She frowned and opened her eyes, looking up at him. "I-" She breathed, her eyes welling up with tears, "I'm...so sorry, Carter. If I could stay with you...you know I would. B-But it's time for good bye now. I have to go away and you have to keep holding on. You have to keep on living without me. I want you too, Clyde Chestnut Barrow. A-and maybe this good bye isn't forever. In...in fact, I know it's not. It can't be. Either we'll meet again in...heaven...or hell," Because Bonnie honestly had no idea where she was headed. She didn't believe herself bad enough to go to hell, but she was almost positive that heaven did not want her. Why would the big guy upstairs want someone like her? She was a thief, a liar and a murderer. She had escaped judgement before, but perhaps this time it was unavoidable. She was bad back in the 1930s and she hadn't exactly been so nice now. She'd purposely broken Carter's heart, she stole from Jennah and sold her things to rub it in Iskander's face and hurt him, she was rude to Oliver and, hell. Sometimes she wasn't even very nice to Isa, who was supposed to be her best friend. But if Talia didn't go to heaven or hell, where would she go? She was deathly (no pun intended) afraid of what was to come.

"Or maybe..." She picked back up again after a pause, "I'll come back to this life. Who knows...I could be reborn tomorrow. And then I'll come find you. B-but you have to stay strong for me to do that. You have to, Carter. Don't give up. Don't ever give up."

[/font]


WORD COUNT: 580
TAGGED: Beth!/Carter!
LISTENING TO: prelude 12/21 - afi
COMMENTS: noooooo this isn't totally over due and shitty. not at all.
[/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

[--I'VE BECOME SO NUMB--]
I CAN'T FEEL YOU THERE
B E C O M E S O T I R E D S O M U C H M O R E A W A R E

If Carter could get his hands on a time machine right now, he would give anything in the world. Hell, it didn’t matter what it was, he would sacrifice anything to go back a few hours and change the entire outcome of tonight. It couldn’t have been a complete coincidence that Talia happened to be on this road at this time of night, after all; Carter just had this hunch inside him that said she had been looking for him. And if only she could have found him differently. If only she could have found him sober, and they could have had a real conversation, a happy make up, one without any car crashes involved. But there were no time machines; there was no way to erase everything that he had done wrong, everything he had done tonight.

Carter didn’t know how he was going to live with himself after this; hell, he didn’t know how he was going to live at all. It was already unbearable to him; he already didn’t know what to do. He missed her, oh God he missed her so much, and she was still here in his arms. But she was slipping away, and he knew it. She was slowly slipping away from him and he didn’t know when he’d be able to see her again. Honestly, he probably wouldn’t make it that long without his Bonnie before he committed suicide. She was the only thing that kept him rooted to this earth. Without her, there was no reason for him to live. He had nothing else going for him if she wasn’t around him. That was probably why the time they’d spent apart, their weeks, months, what felt like years of breakup, had been just that horrible for Carter. If he felt like he had any other purpose to his life, it probably wouldn’t have been quite as horrific, he would have just been mildly miserable, like others experiencing the same sort of situation were.

But he loved Natalia Kruske just that much; without her, he was nothing. He was soon to be nothing. Carter no longer bothered to keep his tears from falling as he held her in his arms, watching the life drain out of her, and it was all his fault, and there was nothing he could do, he was losing her, she’d be gone forever. All of his thoughts ran together, barely coherent, but they all felt the same, they all hurt, they burned, like alcohol sliding down an already sore throat, and he didn’t know what was going on, but he knew his Bonnie was dying, and he was crying, and she was leaving him, and it hurt, it hurt so bad… And there was nothing he could do about it.

There was nothing. Absolutely nothing. He had no way to ease the pain and here he was, watching her die. “B-b...” He was whimpering, he was blubbering, he couldn’t get the words that he wanted to out of his throat. “But I am... I-I’m so s-sorry, Bonnie... I-I’m so sorry. I l-love you, I love you!” Oh God, he hoped she knew that. He’d been so horrible to her, causing her to break up with him in the first place, and no matter what people said to him, he wouldn’t go and talk to her, and now it was too late. She probably didn’t know if she could trust him, she probably didn’t realize that was telling the truth, no matter how drunk he was. He loved her, he loved Bonnie with all of his heart and then some. If she didn’t know that, he didn’t know what he would do with himself.

And then she was telling him not to give up. How could she, how could she ask that of him? He would do anything for her, but that was too much. She knew he didn’t want to live, survive, exist, if she wasn’t there with him. “No... no!” He rose his voice a little, a tone of desperation in his words. “P-please, don’t say goodbye! Please, Bonnie!” Carter reached up and wiped away his tears for the first time, shaking off his hand before doing the same thing for her, his shaking hand gently caressing her cheek. He couldn’t say goodbye, he just couldn’t. They’d just found each other again! She couldn’t leave! If she was going to die, then he had to, too. He wouldn’t be separated from her. “I- ... B-... Bonnie...” He didn’t respond directly to her statement, and he knew she’d understand what he meant. It wasn’t that he didn’t know what to say, it was that he didn’t want to disappoint her. He didn’t want her to know that there was no way he was going to stay strong, there was no way he wasn’t going to give up. He simply wouldn’t live without her. Bonnie and Clyde were not made for that.

WORDS?! 824
TAGGED?! tina/bonnie/talia!
LYRICS?! numb by linkin park
MOOD?! numb
OUTFIT?! .....
MUSIC?! i like to dance – hot chelle rae
NOTES?! i should be writing my grad speech. eh.
CREDIT?! dreamer boy of caution 2.0! don't steal!