`to take on without feeling okay[carter]

[Jennah Raine Advani]

Her breath caught in the air in little white puffs as Jennah ran around the track. She could feel her black cami beneath her pink sweatshirt beginning to stick to her skin with sweat. She tucked a few strands of black hair that had fallen from her ponytail behind her ear as she rounded the loop in the track, coming back towards the beginning of it, where she'd dropped her back pack, water bottle and a granola bar. She'd trespassed into the track (climbed a few fences...it wasn't hard for Wang Cong'er especially now that she was her normal, slim self again) when she couldn't sleep at 4:45 am. She checked the time on her iPod. It was 6:50. She'd started running when it was pitch black. Now, it was starting to get light out. Perhaps it was time for a break.

She jogged over to her stuff and sat down beside it. She pulled her glove off with her teeth and then opened her water bottle. Ice cold water ran down her throat and Jennah chugged until half the bottle was gone. Putting her glove back on, she reached for her granola bar. She opened it, but she simply stared at the grains and chocolate chunks in the bar. She really wasn't hungry, but she hadn't eaten in days past a few nibbles of cheese or a cracker and she always ended up throwing up. She knew she couldn't keep this diet up, she was hurting herself this way. Sadly, though...she didn't care. Jennah's blank expression turned dark and she hurled her granola bar across the track with gritted teeth and a growl of anger.

She buried her face in her gloved hands. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair! It wasn't fucking fair and Jennah didn't know who to blame. She didn't know if it was her fault, Raven's fault, Iskander's fault or that asshole cab driver's fault. Maybe they all had a hand in it. It was Raven's fault for being a clumsy dumb ass and tripping which led to him accidentally pushing Jennah down the stairs. It was that cab driver's fault for being so greedy and refusing to help a pregnant girl by driving her to the doctor when she needed it most. It was Iskander's fault for either being broke or for not trying to protect her when Raven tripped. And it was her own fault for not being strong enough to protect and keep her baby. It was somebody's fault Jasmine was dead. It had to be. The guilt had to be pinned on someone so Jennah could understand why her daughter was dead and she could move on with life.

She lowered her hands from her face, tears falling from her eyes even though she tried to hold it back. She sniffled and reached towards her backpack. Jennah unzipped the smallest pouch on her backpack and reached inside. She pulled out a small, light green blanket with a panda on it and hand-stitched by Jennah herself were the Chinese characters for "power", "wisdom", and "courage". She looked at her daughter's blanket for a moment before bringing the soft material to her cheek. She frowned and leaned against the touch of the soft blanket, whispering to herself, "I'm so sorry, baby girl...I'm sorry. I tried..."

She hugged the blanket to her chest, tears still falling. And since she was alone, Jennah let her tears come. She tried her best not to cry or show her pain in front of Iskander. He already felt awful enough; he didn't need her sorrow on top of his. Jennah's bottom lip trembled and she let out a whimper before breaking down in quiet sobs. She'd been so ready to be a mother. She'd been close. She'd felt her daughter kicking inside of her. She'd gone through so much...and now, it was over and Jennah still had no baby. Jennah hoped Allah cared for the dead children since he did not care for her, Jasmine and Iskander when it mattered most.

Jennah carefully folded up the blanket and put it in the pocket of her sweatshirt. She looked down at the little bulge in her pocket and frowned. She tried not to think about what it reminded her of as she got back up and began to run around the track again. She quickly wiped away her tears as she ran just in case anyone came down here to run since it wasn't exactly the ungodly A.M. hours anymore. School would start soon, people would be coming.

Though she wiped away her tears, her eyes were still red. She couldn't hide that. She also couldn't hide the hurt expression on her face, even though she tried her best.

...But her best seemed to fall short quite a bit lately, didn't it?

WORD COUNT: 805
LISTENING TO: the world calling - there for tomorrow
COMMENTS: outfit[/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

HERE WE GO AGAIN; WE'RE SICK LIKE ANIMALS WE PLAY PRETEND

carter randolph ,

[/font][/b]
SO TAKE IT EASY ON ME; I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NEVER SATISFIED
---------------------------------------------------[/center]

Life sucked. Life seriously fucking sucked sometimes. You thought things were going well, you thought everything was going to turn out right. You were in a great mood. You were having a great day. And just like that, in a matter of minutes, that can all go downhill. In just a few sentences, you can lose the one thing that matters the most to you in life. In two lifetimes, Clyde Barrow had never felt pain worse than he was experiencing right now. He never thought it would get worse than the bleak, empty years of his second life, his reincarnation as Carter Randolph, when he didn’t have Bonnie. He didn’t know where she was and he didn’t know if he’d ever get to see her again. It was like living without a lung: it just wasn’t living. Sure, you were alive, but you weren’t really living. You couldn’t do what the other kids did; you couldn’t be like everyone else. And Carter, well, he never wanted to be like everyone else. There was only one thing he desired, and the blink of an eye, he had lost that. It had taken Carter years to finally find Bonnie Parker again. It hadn’t even been he who did it, but in reality, that just made it worse for him when it all ended. Carter really thought that she loved him. He knew he wasn’t always perfect, he knew he’d hurt her on more than one occasion. But he always tried his hardest, and he thought if there was one thing Talia knew, it was that he loved her with all of his heart and would do absolutely anything for her, without question.

But apparently she hadn’t felt the same way. He was worthless, he was a waste of time. He was a mistake. Normally such words wouldn’t bother Carter; he’d just brush them off, maybe throw a few punches, and go along on his way. But when those words came from Bonnie, the one girl he’d ever loved, it was like a thousand knives straight to the chest, and someone was forcing him to stay alive and battle through the pain, when it would be so much better, humane, really, to just let him go. Because through it all, even with everything she’d said to him that day, Carter still loved her. He was still in love with Bonnie Parker. Natalia Kruske. There was no denying it, even to himself, though he tried to think otherwise. Carter had never tried to anything harder in his life than he was right now, to push Bonnie out of his mind. Forget Talia. If she didn’t need him, if she never had, then he sure as hell didn’t need her, right? He was Clyde fucking Barrow! He was the toughest man to ever live! And he sure as hell didn’t need a woman to keep him happy.

But then why did he feel like this? Why was it that every step felt like a million pins impaling his feet, every breath a sharp blade to the chest? This was worse than losing a lung, this was losing half of your heart. Losing your partner in crime, quite literally. Your soul mate. How could they have gone through so much to let it all fall apart just like this? How could Carter have said those things to her in the first place, to cause her to respond with such anger?

Whatever it was, it was causing Carter to feel worse pain than he ever thought was even possible. He felt empty, he felt broken. He didn’t feel like himself. Who was he if not for Bonnie’s partner? He was nothing. He wouldn’t ever amount to anything. Perhaps the worst part was letting her words sink in, letting him realize that she was right. Talia hadn’t spoken a word that was untrue, and Carter believed her. And now he was paying for it. He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know where to go. Nothing felt right. The only thing that had felt right was going back to Talia and apologizing, and that clearly hadn’t been correct. If only he hadn’t listened to Jennah. He didn’t blame her, of course not. How was she to know that Talia would respond that way? Even Carter himself hadn’t expected that. He knew he wasn’t perfect, he knew he wasn’t smart, but he thought that he knew at least that Talia loved him. But now he was reliving her words, reliving their arguments, every fight they’d ever had, wherever he went. Earphones in his ears though he wasn’t hearing the music, hands shoved in his pockets and eyes staring down at the pavement, Carter wandered. It was early in the morning. He didn’t know what time it was, he didn’t care what time it was. He didn’t care about anything. He had nowhere to be. Sure, he had class in a few hours, but that wasn’t his problem. He sure as hell wasn’t going. He felt much better — if it was even possible to feel one slight sliver of hope — away from people. He didn’t want to see anyone.

Though, Jennah had told him to come to her if he wanted to talk... She had made him feel better after the first wave of their fight, but Carter didn’t think that anything she said or did would help him with this pain. And then he’d heard the news of her baby. Going to Jennah now didn’t seem like the right thing to do. She was going through pain just like he was, similar, in a way. He didn’t want to bother her. He couldn’t possibly complain about what was going on his life when she had just lost her daughter! She had enough to deal with, and Carter didn’t feel like it would be right of him to add anything else to that. He could take care of herself. But... how was she doing? Twice had Carter almost left his dorm to go find her, but then he would end up just wallowing in his own misery and staying there instead. But when Carter looked up and saw a figure running around the track repeatedly and he recognized who it was, Carter knew what he should do. What he would do, if he was strong enough. She needed him. Well, maybe not him, but she needed someone, and Carter doubted Jennah would go to anyone about whatever pain she was feeling. He would suck it up and go to her. Taking a long deep breath, Carter pulled his earphones out and slipped his mp3 player into his sweatshirt pocket, heading closer. He stopped at the side of the track, waiting for her to round the corner and see him. She would stop, right? Because Carter definitely wasn’t feeling up to running too, and he wasn’t about to let her leave without talking to him...

[/justify][/blockquote]

---------------------------------------------------

TAGGED , jennah
WORDS ,

[/color] 1156. DON’T FEEL LIKE YOU HAVE TO MATCH IT. plus idk if i could do that again. xD
OUTFIT , bam.. ahah they’re basically the same.
MUSE , bulletproof heart – my chemical romance
NOTES , i thought this wouldn’t be long enough, then i got carried away. sorry. going to point and my ipod playing tons of sad heartbreak-related songs gave me muse, apparently.
CREDIT , This thread template was made by LIMA of Caution 2.0.[/blockquote][/justify][/size]

[Jennah Raine Advani]

She was light headed. So light headed. At times when she ran, Jennah thought she was going to pass out. She almost hoped she would. In a way, she worked out this hard and only consumed water with the half-hearted hope that she would lose her sanity or black out and see that little girl from her dreams again. That little girl with her small pudgy limbs, chocolate brown eyes and perfect straight black hair. Jasmine. Jennah knew that was her Jasmine she saw in her dreams at night...the few times she slept. Her time with Jasmine was her Elysium — the only time she could truly find happiness now a days. Jennah was afraid she and Iskander were falling apart. And it was breaking her heart. She didn't want to lose him next. She didn't think she could take it. But, they didn't talk very much anymore. What was there to say? They had nothing except their depression over the loss of their daughter. Jennah still loved him. She was...pretty sure she did. She hoped she wasn't just clinging to a memory of love. She did not want to be in love with a memory. She really did want to move on, but she couldn't do it alone. She needed Iskander and he needed her. But, Iskander was too busy wallowing in depression and Jennah didn't want to bother him. So she retreated to that memory of Jasmine. At times, she forgot it wasn't real. At times, when she was alone, she found herself speaking to Jasmine.

...But the downside to all of that is when reality hit her and she realized she was speaking to the ghost left from a dream of a desperate and possibly crazy mother. She was crazy. She spoke to a dead baby. She starved herself. She slept only to dream of her unborn, dead daughter and she spoke to no one else. Surely she was losing her mind. Perhaps it was already lost and she needed to get onto some anti-depressants. Yet, Jennah did not mind insanity. She loved it, even. She embraced it. It made her happy. Could you honestly blame her for wanting that?

She ran on, her feet pounding on the cold ground. Her daughter laid in the ground...
She shook her head a bit. She needed to stop thinking about that. She had to find something else to occupy her time. And perhaps she needed to find the will to eat again or she would surely join her daughter in death and leave Iskander alone in the world with two deaths weighing upon him. And she needed to stop working out as much. As she ran now, her body was screaming at her to stop. Her body was begging her to take it easy...or take a break. Yet, still she pushed herself on. She wasn't sure why she did. Perhaps she was trying to make her body strong. Strong enough to take anything so that next time...nothing like this could happen to her. Only, since she wasn't eating, she wasn't getting any stronger. She was just getting thinner and practically killing herself.

She made her loop around, her eyes locked ahead of her until she saw Carter. She glanced at him...but she ran on. She didn't want to talk to him. She didn't want to talk to anyone. But as she ran, Jasmine's little green blanket bounced around in the pocket of her sweatshirt before bouncing out of her pocket and falling onto the ground.

Jennah saw the precious blanket fall out of the corner of her eye. She stopped abruptly and hurried to where it laid on the ground. She scooped it up and held it close to her chest, treating it as if she had dropped the Holy Bible upon the ground. Very carefully, she folded it back up and put it back into her pocket. Carter no doubt saw that...

Jennah got up off her knees, looking down at her sneakers, trying to find a smile somewhere in her. She located a half-hearted grin. She was going to have to go with it. She looked back at Carter and gave him that sad excuse for a smile. She turned off her ipod and put it back in her pocket with the blanket. She swallowed her pain and her misery. Now was not the time for it. Carter was hurting just as much as she was. His soul mate had broken his heart...and Jennah felt it was her fault. She had prompted Carter to try to apologize to Natalia and get back together with her...but it ended horribly. Jennah would have never predicted Talia would act in such a way. Perhaps it wasn't out of character for Bonnie Parker to act so rudely....but she was speaking to Clyde when she said those horrible things. Of all people in the world, Jennah thought he would he spared of Bonnie's cruelty. Apparently not though. Oh, and Talia's completely false accusation of Carter having an affair with then-pregnant Jennah didn't help. She didn't know why Carter was here now...but she did tell him that if he ever wanted to talk, she would be there for him. If she was Carter...she wouldn't want to talk to her...perhaps Carter had come here to chew her out for being so stupid with her advice. She wouldn't blame him if he did. She would take it. She deserved it. But if he was actually here to talk, she would be willing to listen. Her pain meant nothing...

...Absolutely nothing...

"Hey Carter," She said to him with her phony smile, trying to sound as normal as possible. She hoped he wouldn't notice the redness of crying in her eyes. This wasn't about her. Or Jasmine. This was about Carter and Talia...a situation that really needed to be fixed. The baby situation was unfixable and beyond all control. But Natalia and Carter? She truly did believe it wasn't too late. Their love had lasted decades and survived a brutal death. This couldn't be it. Bonnie and Clyde could not be over. They could not end this way...not on her watch, that is. Not while she could do something.

"Haven't seen you in a while...How've you been?" She asked, fighting to keep her voice even. She hoped some of his pain had died down since their last meeting. She couldn't stand to see him cry like that. She had one other question, though...

...This was a track field. Carter didn't seem like the running type. She couldn't help but ask, "What brings you down here?"
Working out was her thing...not his.

WORD COUNT: 1120...SO CLOSE
LISTENING TO: your daddy's son - ragtime. it's solo & ensemble time, yo
COMMENTS: nah, bro [/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

HERE WE GO AGAIN; WE'RE SICK LIKE ANIMALS WE PLAY PRETEND

carter randolph ,

[/font][/b]
SO TAKE IT EASY ON ME; I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NEVER SATISFIED
---------------------------------------------------[/center]

Why did it seem like everyone was going through a tough time lately? Or was it just Carter, who was going through enough that he felt like it encompassed enough pain to cover everyone? That was probably it, and the fact that lately Carter had been so separated from the world that he really didn’t know what was going on at all. He spent most of his time lately moping in his dorm room by himself, and occasionally with Errol. Though really, Carter didn’t know why he spent time around the boy. He was a nutcase, in his opinion. Generally Carter got along with him for the most part, but not when he was depressed like this. Errol was really only the person to be around if you wanted to cheer up. But right now, that wasn’t really what Carter was looking for. He knew it was unattainable. There was no way he was going to get out of this slump that easily. After he’d gone out and torched his new car, he’d ended up spending the night drunk and didn’t remember much of the night the next day. That didn’t seem to help much either, though. Not even other women were helping. There was nothing Carter did or could do that was helping or would ever help, and he was accepting this now. He would just have to live the rest of his life, and then die. It was as simple as that.

Maybe along the way, he’d be able to help a few other people. Hah, fuck that. Carter only had that fleeting thought because of Jennah. He truly felt horrible when he heard the news, even if it was nothing he’d done. He hadn’t even been there when it happened, he’d just heard about it later on. But that was enough to make him feel like shit. It wasn’t like Carter could have done anything to help, but it was one of those typical feelings one got when something tragic struck, and he couldn’t keep it out of his head. So whenever Carter managed to actually get thoughts of Bonnie out of his head, it didn’t matter, because then Jennah was on his mind. For as much as he thought about the girl, it was almost like he was in love with her, too. The truth was far from that, however — Carter just appreciated how much she’d helped him during the first wave of his and Bonnie’s breakup. It wasn’t often that Carter found someone he could really call a friend. Then again, that was his fault. He was the one who spent his Bonnieless years moping and staying to himself, basically refusing to associate with other humans in general. And now that he had her, well, he didn’t bother to talk to too many people because he didn’t need to. So finding a real friend, that was strange for him. It wasn’t something he was about to forget soon. If this miscarriage had been something that happened to someone else, Carter probably wouldn’t bother to even give it a second thought.

But this hadn’t happened to just anyone. And now Carter felt like he should really return the favor. His pain didn’t matter, it had been a while, and he should be learning to move on by this point. Jennah, her pain was different. Probably worse, really, which just made Carter feel like he was overreacting and whining about nothing. She had lost a child. Was there even a pain worse than that anywhere? But whether he felt bad and wanted to talk to her or not, when she saw him and she kept running, Carter didn’t even react at first, just kept standing there. Sure, he could go on about how what was going on with him didn’t matter, but he wasn’t walking the walk. If Jennah hadn’t dropped that.. little square of whatever it was... and turned around, Carter wasn’t so sure what he’d have done. He’d decided that he was going to talk to her for sure, no matter what, but what was he going to do, run after her? That was unlikely. Carter didn’t run, he drove. Bonnie and Clyde didn’t — he didn’t want to think about that. Jennah, remember, Carter? Keep that other girl out of your mind. When Jennah turned back and gave him that obviously fake smile, it sort of did snap him out of it. He frowned a little, watching her face as she approached him. Obviously she was going to hide her pain, and Carter wasn’t going to fall for that. He’d never been a particularly intuitive person, but he could see through this farse, at least.

Carter didn’t answer her questions at first, just looking at her and taking a step closer when he thought he detected a hint of redness in her eyes. He wouldn’t question that, though. “I... I’m fine,” he said slowly, trying to make sure he really did sound fine. If he didn’t, after all, Jennah would sense that, and then she’d keep the conversation on him, and he didn’t want that. “Better,” he lied, though the only improvement he’d made was that he wasn’t expressing his pain through tears anymore. Now would probably be an appropriate time to throw in a smile, he realized, but Carter wasn’t dumb enough to attempt that. Jennah was doing a pretty good job at trying to look happy and yet Carter could still tell, so why would he even bother? It would just fail. Instead, he settled on just not looking entirely miserable, which was a little difficult when it was this early in the morning, he hadn’t slept in days, and he was dressed down. And what brought him down here? Well, just that. He needed to escape somehow, and he’d ended up wandering here. Just trying to keep his mind on anything but B- .. her. So how did he answer that question? He hesitated, then shrugged. “I was just taking a walk, and I saw you, and...” His voice trailed off awkwardly. God, he was bad at this feelings stuff. How the hell did he expect to make her feel better at this rate, when he couldn’t even hide how he felt just a little bit? Well, since he was already failing this much, might as well jump into it, right? “Are you okay?” Carter asked her, watching her face carefully. He hoped he hadn’t made the wrong decision, just coming out and asking her like that. He didn’t want to make her feel worse than she already did.

[/justify][/blockquote]

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TAGGED , jennah
WORDS ,

[/color] 1097.
OUTFIT , bam.. ahah they’re basically the same.
MUSE , THE WORST FUCKING SONG IN THE WORLD #2. bottoms up. purely because i have no other radio station to change this to now.
NOTES , ...oops.
CREDIT , This thread template was made by LIMA of Caution 2.0.[/blockquote][/justify][/size]

[Jennah Raine Advani]

She wished she hadn't dropped her daughter's blanket. On the ground, Jasmine's blanket ran the risk of getting dirty. Jennah didn't want that blanket anywhere near the ground...in a way....it reminded her where her daughter was placed for all of eternity. And she didn't need to be reminded. Jennah was already reminded every time she walked into the RSOR room...or looked at Iskander's face...or saw Ms. Azizi. The RSOR room would go silent every time she walked in and they would all give her these pitiful glances. Iskander wasn't talking and he acted as if he was the one who had died and Ms. Azizi was just watching everyone going down and it was tearing her up. All of this pain was because she and Iskander couldn't come up with five dollars to pay the fee to the hospital. Five dollars. It really wasn't that high of a price, but she and Iskander were just too poor to pay it.

Jennah was always taught that there could never be a value on life. Each life was precious and without a price tag. But that afternoon, she learned differently. She learned that the price of a 5-month-old unborn half Arab and half Chinese baby girl is $5.00 even.

She hoped Carter did not see Jasmine's soft, lime green blanket. And if he did, she hoped he would ignore it. She didn't want to focus on herself. He had enough pain as it was. To be laden with hers would be too much. No, she could carry her own heart break and her own guilt upon her own, small shoulders. Jennah could be carrying the weight of the world, but she wouldn't ever be selfish enough to make someone else carry it. Especially not Carter. She'd been a big enough bother to him by ruining his relationship even further.

“I... I’m fine,”

She frowned slightly. If Carter was wearing a mask, it was made out of plastic wrap. Jennah could see right through that and she could hear it all in his voice. Carter was an open book; his emotions were quite easy to read. She arched an eyebrow, about to call him out on his horrible acting skills when he added:

“Better”

Still, she did not believe him. The only difference she saw was a lack of tears. Hmm. Perhaps that truly was better. Or perhaps it was not. Maybe he was bottling up all of his hurt like she was. Jennah wasn’t crying right now, but it did not mean the pain of losing her baby girl had eased. If anything, it got worse because she forced herself not to show it. Jennah forced herself to smile at Carter, sniffling subtly as she grinned at him the best she could. "Good," She said, pretending to buy into his whole "I'm-feeling-better" thing, "I'm glad to hear that."

If he actually was feeling better, she really would be glad to hear it. Jennah wanted Carter to heal. She didn't think he would find anyone quite like Bonnie every again. Bonnie Parker sure as hell is one of a kind, there's no denying that. However, if he could just come to terms with his pain and said pain would subside, Jennah would be very happy for him.

But as it stands, they were both lying about how they felt. Jennah was trying to pass off her lack-of-eating and hardcore working out as normalcy and he was trying to pretend he didn't care any longer for the girl that had broken his heart.
Shakespearean actors used to wear masks to portray a certain character. Now a days, stage actors wear wigs and pounds upon pounds of makeup and change their voice and accent to hide who they really are. In a way, Jennah and Carter were very similar to said actors. They were wearing masks, trying to convince each other that they were whom they wished to be: normal, care-free almost...happy. But all they were were actors on a stage.

“I was just taking a walk, and I saw you, and...”

She raised an eyebrow. "And?" She asked, willing him to continue his train of thought. Did he see the blanket? Had he heard what happened? Was this his version of caring?

“Are you okay?”

He had heard what happened. But then again, who hadn't? And, one just had to look at Jennah's body to know what happened. Her abdomen was no longer swollen with her child. It was flat and she was thin again. Most women would rejoice for newfound thin-ness and flaunt it to the best of their ability. But when Jennah looked in the mirror and saw her natural, small shape, she cried.

Was she okay? In all categories of one's well being — physical, mental, and emotional — this was questionable. She wasn't eating, yet forcing her body to work out it's hardest. She dreamed of her dead daughter practically every night. At any given moment, Jennah could be in tears. No. No she was not o-fucking-kay. Not at all. To be honest, she wanted to admit that she wasn't okay. She standing alone on the edge of her sanity, constantly looking down at the threatening dark waters of madness below and coming close to falling into them and drowning. She needed someone to pull her away from that edge and she didn't think it would be Iskander. She needed someone to listen to her.

What Jennah really needed was a hug. She needed a warm embrace and she needed someone to assure her things would be okay.

She also sort of needed someone to make sure she was eating, but Jennah would not be the one to openly admit all these things, especially that last one.

Her face betrayed her for a moment when he asked. Her smile fell slightly but before it fell too much, she picked it back up again. "Yeah," She answered, giving a small fake chuckle as if she couldn't understand why he had asked. "Yeah, I-...I'm fine. I'm perfectly fine."
She looked down at her gray and pink running shoes. She couldn't lie like this and look him in the eye. "Why-...why wouldn't I be?" She added at the end, almost asking herself that question. Why wouldn't she be okay? What's done is done. She couldn't control the situation. She didn't know Raven would accidentally make her fall down the stairs. She didn't know Iskander wasn't carrying five dollars. She couldn't control the blood that had spilled.

Yet why did she feel as if she a murderer? Or a terrible mother?

WORD COUNT: 1103
LISTENING TO: new divide - linkin park
COMMENTS: so...i was going to break this 1000 word habit...but then...i ranted...about actors and water and stuff that is irrelevant. whoops.
ps, i hope you caught the all time low reference [/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

HERE WE GO AGAIN; WE'RE SICK LIKE ANIMALS WE PLAY PRETEND

carter randolph ,

[/font][/b]
SO TAKE IT EASY ON ME; I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NEVER SATISFIED
---------------------------------------------------[/center]

Life sucks, and then you die. A quote deriving from more than one area and time in our world. Perhaps a thrash metal band from England who used it as their album cover, perhaps from your best friend who’s having what she thinks is the shittiest day in the world. Either way, that saying was making a hell of a lot more sense to Carter right now. The boy really had thought he’d had it bad when he was living without Bonnie and life just felt bleak, emotionless. But if he could go back to that moment right now, hell, he’d take that opportunity in a heartbeat. To feel emotionless would be bliss to the poor boy. Imagine, being unfeeling... No pain... It was too good to be true, that was obvious. But if it could happen, hell, it would be great. He’d still be spending all his time thinking about her, worrying about her, but it would be a completely different kind of pain. He wouldn’t have to try to force himself to realize that she didn’t care about him anymore, that she didn’t want him. That all he’d ever done was hurt her, and she wanted him out of her life. He’d never done her any good.

Now, that hurt to think about. Carter knew he wasn’t perfect. Hell, he was far from it. But he at least thought he’d been doing something right with Talia. He was going to school — and maybe his grades weren’t the best, but he was trying, and he was going to finish high school, goddammit. He was considering doing something with his life — maybe, just possibly, for that one was in the making. But it was more thought than he’d ever given it in his earlier life. The main thing he thought he knew for certain, though? He loved her. Carter loved Talia with probably more intensity than Clyde had ever loved Bonnie. He thought that since they’d made it through into another life and had still managed to find each other, that it was meant to be. God wouldn’t make them do all this for nothing, would he? But God knew this would happen... How had God done this to them? Carter had never been a religious man; he’d never gone to church, not even when he was little. But there had to be something out there, some higher power to make them be here, he knew that much. But he’d never thought that that power was going to be so cruel and hurt him so much. Maybe God thought he was strong enough to get through this... Maybe God gave him the pain because he, Clyde Barrow, could handle it.

Well, God was wrong. Because Carter wasn’t faring so well, and there was no end to this pain, not even a slight decline, in sight. He was just going to keep on struggling, keep trucking through, and hope for something, anything, to make it better... Hope wasn’t completely gone, right? Ah, who was he kidding himself? He was done. His story had ended. But Jennah, hers hadn’t. Carter gave her a slight nod in response, as if to show her that he really was okay, though his eyes drifted off to a space of ground next to her while he did. He couldn’t possibly look her in the eye. “And...?” Well, Carter hadn’t really wanted to continue that one. He didn’t think Jennah particularly wanted him to point out what he saw, that little square blankie fall out of her pocket. “I-I dunno, I just thought I’d come and talk to you...” he said, shrugging slightly and looking her in the eye finally. There, that was a legit cover up, wasn’t it? And he didn’t have to mention that at all. It seemed like a private moment to Carter, something he shouldn’t be intruding upon. And so, he’d left it as that. His eyes were still on her face at her next words, and as such, he caught her smile falling. Obviously Carter knew she hadn’t been fine all along, but this was a dead giveaway. “Jennah...” he murmured softly, waiting for her to finish bullshitting until he walked closer to her. “I don’t want you to explain, if that isn’t what you want to do. But... you’re in pain, I know it.” And she had to be in a hell of a lot of pain for someone like him to be able to notice. But rather than continuing on his thought and end up saying something wrong, like he probably would, Carter simply hugged her. He hugged her. A warm, comforting, friendly hug that could hopefully suck some of her pain away — and maybe a little of his, if he was lucky.

[/justify][/blockquote]

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TAGGED , jennah
WORDS ,

[/color] 793. you’re welcome.
OUTFIT , bam.. ahah they’re basically the same.
MUSE , I GOT MY MINDSET ON YOUUUUU.
NOTES , don’t worry, 85% of my posts are always irrelevant.
CREDIT , This thread template was made by LIMA of Caution 2.0.[/blockquote][/justify][/size]

[Jennah Raine Advani]

“I-I dunno, I just thought I’d come and talk to you...”

Come talk to her. He wanted to talk to her. Clyde Barrow gave a flying fuck about what was hurting Wang Cong'er? That....was actually very nice of him to do. It seemed a bit out of character, though. Of all people, Jennah figured he'd be the last to care — and she didn't blame him! After all, he had Natalia to deal with. Yet here he was. He had come to her. And he cared.

Though people had asked if she was doing alright, no one had really sought her out. She just happened to be in the right place at the right time for pity. Then there was Carter...someone she never expected. He came looking for her. He cared enough to come find her and tell her everything would be a-okay. That meant everything to Jennah. Completely beyond all words. Her appreciation for his actions showed in her face, but she just gave him a small smile and said, "That's very sweet of you, Carter."

But just because it was sweet of him didn't mean she was about to open up and spill everything. Oh no. Jennah was not about to do that to somebody. That would be selfish. And embarrassing. She'd already been through enough embarrassment. Though she did not regret making love with Iskander and she was pretty happy to be pregnant, she still hear the whispers. She could still feel the eyes on her back and on her stomach. She knew people were talking about her. She knew they were saying nasty things. They were calling her slutty, trashy and stupid. Jennah wasn't any of those things though. She didn't sleep with a trillion boys. She only slept with her boyfriend, whom she loved. Lots of girls do that...more than once, at that. Jennah and Iskander only slept together once...but once was all it took. He'd worn protection, but something had gone wrong. It was a mistake. Her pregnancy — their daughter — was a mistake, though Jennah didn't like to think of it that way. And telling Miss Azizi and growing bigger with child in front of everyone was embarrassing.

Now, there was no baby. Jasmine was dead. Not only did she have to deal with that pain, but new rumors were flying and Jennah had heard some pretty cruel ones. Some about her purposely losing her child, but the meanest being that Iskander — who others saw as an intimidating figure — killed the child inside of her himself. Jennah saw no logic in that rumor; if he had done that, why was he shutting himself in his room, locking himself away from the world and from her? Another embarrassing rumor flying around was about Jennah's weight. She was losing weight rapidly and she was thinner than she ever was before. Rumors of anorexia and bulimia flew around. The most embarrassing part of that...was that it was true.

But with all this upon her shoulders, her sadness, her embarrassment, her sickness...Jennah tried to walk with her head held high and she tried to believe nothing was wrong.

But Carter didn't buy it.

“Jennah...”

He could smell her bull shit from a mile away. Jennah stopped talking and looked away slightly. She weakly added, "Really...I'm fine," even though she knew it would do nothing for her argument. He saw through her. She had always been a terrible liar.

“I don’t want you to explain, if that isn’t what you want to do. But... you’re in pain, I know it.”

Her bottom lip trembled for a moment, as if she were about to cry. Jennah looked down at the ground and the lump in her stomach pocket, which held her beloved daughter's blanket. She sniffled and collected herself. She bit down on her bottom lip for a moment before she looked up at him and said again, "Thank you for your concern, Carter. But, really...I'm getting over it. I'm f-"

But then she found herself in his arms. He hugged her. Jennah paused for a moment in his warm, caring embrace..and she just couldn't play pretend anymore. The mask was coming off. She wasn't a tough warrior right now. She was a hurting mother.

She didn't really know why she was doing this. In front of Clyde Barrow, of all people! But Jennah's lips were trembling and there was nothing she wanted to do to stop it. She broke down and she began to cry. She cuddled herself closer to his chest, feeling safer and crying harder. Tears poured down over her cheeks and dripped off her chin or onto his gray sweatshirt. She gasped for air between her sobs and she tried to silence herself, but it wasn't working. At first she whimpered, "I'm sorry for crying...I'm sorry for crying...I'm sorry...I don't mean to..." But as she kept mourning, it turned into her moaning the name of her lost loved one between her tears. "Jasmine....Jasmine...Oh my God, my baby...My Jasmine...Jasmine...bao bei....m-my bao bei..." She wept, her broken heart finally on display, "It's m-my fault...she's gone...it's all my fault...J-Jasmine....bao bei."

WORD COUNT: 878
LISTENING TO: he lives in you - lion king broadway
COMMENTS: momfuckoffandleavemealone anyway. fun fact, in case you were confused: bao bei means 'baby' in chinese. but, like the affectionate form of 'baby'...like...sweetheart. Yep. That's your Chinese lesson for the day. [/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

HERE WE GO AGAIN; WE'RE SICK LIKE ANIMALS WE PLAY PRETEND

carter randolph ,

[/font][/b]
SO TAKE IT EASY ON ME; I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NEVER SATISFIED
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Carter wondered what he would do if someone pestered him about his feelings right now. Neither he nor Clyde had ever been very good at talking about their feelings, that was for sure. And that was especially true when it was something like this. All Carter wanted to do for the longest time after Bonnie broke his heart was just mope by himself and have the world fuck off. Granted, he spent a lot of that time drinking instead, but alcohol was a depressant. It pretty much did the trick for him. There were probably some traumatized people out there that had been at the parties with him that had to deal with him that night. He could get pretty... well, strange when he was drunk. He did spill a lot of his feelings whether he wanted to or not. The thing was, he didn’t do it like most people did. An emotional outpouring for Carter when he was drunk wasn’t a sob story — it was a shouting fest, screams of anger as he expressed his feelings. And as such, there were probably some messed up people now from those few episodes, because he wasn’t afraid of throwing a few punches, either. The thing was, he didn’t have to be drunk for those.

When he isn’t drunk, though, Carter still wouldn’t take the bothering very well. Worse than Snape on the Potter Puppet Pals. Well, okay, not really, but there could probably be some people dead by the end of the situation. Point was, Carter wouldn’t take it well. There would be more than a few punches thrown and a lot of harsh words dealt. Carter was good with using harsh words, although the using of them in the first place can’t exactly be counted as good. That was probably one habit he should work on breaking. It wasn’t that easy, however. Everyone knew it was hard to break bad habits, and Carter in particular. He couldn’t exactly be labeled an alcoholic, but if you just up and told him he couldn’t drink anymore, he couldn’t do it. Well, he probably wouldn’t even listen in the first place, but if it was put in order that he really couldn’t, he would die, metaphorically. It would be the same with his smoking. Carter for one definitely wouldn’t deal well with quitting cold turkey, that was for sure. Hell, he wouldn’t deal well with quitting at all. It was definitely a good thing that he didn’t exactly give a shit about his body, then. And especially now. He didn’t give a shit about anything that happened to him now. After all, nobody else did either, right? Especially not anyone that he cared about in return. Starting now, Carter wasn’t going to care about anyone. It had never done him anything good in the past. Hell, he’d spent the greater part of one entire lifetime and a portion of this one, too, devoted to one single person, and look where that had gotten him! He just ended up with pain, a hell of a lot of pain.

And as such, Carter had decided that he was going to be a loner from here on out. No matter how long he lived — the shorter the better — he was just going to be by himself. Nobody else would have to worry about them. Hell, nobody wanted to. He was nothing, he didn’t matter. When the one person in your life that you truly love tells you that, it’s going to stick with you. Sure, part of him wasn’t stupid, part of him knew that Talia hadn’t really meant that. But the greater part of him, he was just taking it. She was right, she was always right. Carter knew he wasn’t the sharpest knife in the drawer, and this was just someone finally being brave enough to come out and tell him, flat out. And it was worse than cutting any bad habit cold turkey.

Wow. As Carter hugged Jennah and just let her cry it all out, he realized even he wouldn’t be able to do so well with the whole not worrying about other people thing. Maybe he would just have to look at it in a romantic sense, that he wouldn’t let anyone into his life that way. Because Jennah... He’d never really paid her any attention prior to this, but after she helped him with his romantic issues, and now this...Carter couldn’t say she was too bad. He enjoyed her company. No, not right now, when she was crying and he felt like shit too, but she’d become a good friend, and Clyde Barrow didn’t have a whole lot of friends. So if the one friend he had wanted to use him to cry on, hell, he was okay with that. And, well, he’d like to see her happier, too. He didn’t bother to ‘shh’ her, just rubbed her back gently and comfortingly. She’d feel better if she just got all of her tears out first. “It’ll be alright...” he said softly, just letting her cling to him. She was the first girl, he noticed, that had ever been this close to him like this that wasn’t Bonnie. Wow, great thought to have. A mental slap for that one. “Just.. let it all out...” So Carter wasn’t the greatest with words. He never claimed to be, though. However, he could still be here for her. He could just, well, as he said: have her let it all out. Then maybe, after she was calm, he’d manage to be a little more helpful.

[/justify][/blockquote]

---------------------------------------------------

TAGGED , jennah
WORDS ,

[/color] 931
OUTFIT , bam.. ahah they’re basically the same.
MUSE , one day, robots will cry – cobra starship
NOTES , sorry this accomplishes nothing but he wouldn’t really do anything else..
CREDIT , This thread template was made by LIMA of Caution 2.0.[/blockquote][/justify][/size]

[Jennah Raine Advani]

She buried her face into Carter's chest and the tears just kept coming. They had started and probably would not stop for a while. But, to be honest, she needed a good cry. Jennah really did need to let it all out. She'd kept her sorrow tucked away, hidden from everyone so she would not be a burden. But that sorrow was eating her away...almost literally. Still, Jennah said nothing of her hurt. Not even to her boyfriend — Jasmine's father. Jennah did not even turn to him for comfort. How could he honestly comfort her? Sure, he'd felt Jasmine kick, but to him, Jasmine was never truly alive because she was never born. To Jennah, ever since that pregnancy test revealed it's little pink plus, Jasmine was alive. Jasmine was alive and thinking and hearing. Jasmine probably recognized Jennah's voice...she knew that was mommy. And when she heard Daddy, she must have known too. Jennah had bonded with the baby the moment she knew a child — her and Iskander's child — was in there.

This situation was killing her. It was literally killing her. She refused meals and worked herself practically to death. But Jennah fear that if she didn't occupy herself with homework and working out, she'd hurt herself much more than she already did. After all, in her first life, she took her own life. She wasn't above that option. The only thing keeping her from suicide, to be perfectly blunt, was Iskander. Though sometimes he'd go into a rage and secretly blame her problems on him, she would not kill herself because of him. She loved him. And in spite of everything, he loved her still. She had quite cruelly threatened to leave him one, two which he said that she could leave him or hurt him...but he'd still want to know that she okay. That she was eating.

She had toyed with the idea of taking her own life. She'd come up with many ways to do it. But each situation would fade away when she fit Iskander into the picture. She didn't want to think of the pain and sorrow she'd be causing him through her actions. She could just picture him cradling her lifeless body, crying and saying her name. She couldn't do that to him. He'd do anything for her...she couldn't bring herself to be so selfish. Perhaps that was one of the only mentally stable choices she'd made on her own in quite some time. She really did want to get better for her boyfriend, but it was hard. He was able to get over Jasmine quicker. He didn't carry her. He didn't wake up to her moving. His heart did not beat with hers. Jennah's had.

She heard Carter's voice, her rock amongst her storm of tears. “It’ll be alright...” he said softly, just letting her cling to him.
She shook her head no. It would not be alright. They could pretend, but Jasmine was never coming back. Alright was a figment of a hopeful and delusional person's imagination.

She had tried to tell Carter things would be alright. When she had seen him cry, she took him to ice cream and told him everything was going to be alright. But was it? Had things really turned out alright? No. No, they hadn't. In fact, they got worse. At this rate, it seemed like Bonnie and Clyde would never be together again. Can you honestly call that alright?

“Just.. let it all out...”

And let it out she did. Her little, thin body shook with each sob she took. Her face was cold and wet with her tears. Her tummy throbbed from the power of her sobs. Jennah put her hand over her stomach for a moment, whimpering her daughter's name once again before pulling out the baby blankie she had dropped before. Jennah ulled away slightly, her teary eyes looking over the light green blanket with the panda and Chinese characters. She swallowed before another fresh wave of tears leaked from her eyes. Her hands shook as she held the blanket, looking down at it. This was her daughter's blanket. Or, at least it was supposed to be. Jennah had made it herself. She'd taken the time and stitched it up lovingly with Iskander beside her. She was going to place this blanket in Jasmine's crib. She was going to wrap her baby up in it when she held her little girl close to her chest. She was going to use this blanket to cover herself when she fed her daughter. She was going to use this blanket to keep Jasmine's little body warm at night. This blanket was going to have so many uses..but all of those uses were...well...useless, no pun intended. There was no baby to feed, warm, protect, comfort. Jennah gripped the blanket a little tighter and brought it close to her chest for a moment, crying over it, before she held it out for Carter to see. She didn't know why she was letting Carter in and showing him Jasmine's soft little blanket...but she was. He was her friend and that's exactly what she needed.

"Th-this would have been hers," Jennah said very quietly as she held the blanket out for him to look at. Her eyes stayed on the panda design. "This was s-supposed to be Jasmine's b-blankie..."

WORD COUNT: 903
LISTENING TO: prelude 12/21 - afi
COMMENTS: i'm sleepy. [/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

HERE WE GO AGAIN; WE'RE SICK LIKE ANIMALS WE PLAY PRETEND

carter randolph ,

[/font][/b]
SO TAKE IT EASY ON ME; I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NEVER SATISFIED
---------------------------------------------------[/center]

Clyde was never a man of many words. He was never a man good with words, either. There were many people in this world and in its vast history that had been gifted with the power of influential speech. They could move mountains with the things that left their mouths. Well, Clyde Barrow had never been granted that power. Instead, he’d been given the power of... what, the power to cause rumpus and issues across the country? He could wield a gun, he could rob a store with the best of them, even in today’s day and age. But getting people to believe one thing or the other, or comforting them with his words, that wasn’t his strong suit. And that was why he was having such a hard time with Jennah right now. It wasn’t that he had a problem with being here for her – that wasn’t the case at all. It was just that he didn’t really know how to help. He was so scared that he’d say the wrong thing and send her into another fresh wave of tears right when she was almost better. He felt useless, really, to just stand here and hold her and do nothing to try to make her feel better, but he figured it was smarter on his part to stay impartial rather than try to say something. It wouldn’t be the first time that Carter went too far and said the wrong thing. Hadn’t that happened multiple times with Bonnie, and most recently led to his relationship’s demise?

And so Carter didn’t spend a lot of his time talking. He was the sort of person who might rarely think he knows what he’s talking about, but once the thoughts turn into words and leave his mouth it’s a completely different story. Take when he discussed Bonnie lately, for example. He knew what he thought in his head, but his arguments didn’t sound nearly as influential once he voiced them. Well, that and everyone he talked to about it – which comprised of a very small number of people, believe it or not – had much better arguments than him and really knew how to talk. Jennah, she’d helped him the most, easily. Every time they talked and his own issues came up – whether he liked that or not – she always got Carter thinking by the end of the discussion that maybe there was still a chance. Then they’d separate, and within an hour or two, Carter was back to telling himself he’d ruined it all. He was a hopeless case, it often seemed, really. He was a steel trap in the sense that nothing ever got into his head, rather than the other way out. He was stubborn, that was the cause of it all. One thing would work its way into his small brain and then there was no way of getting it out. Once it got in, it was implanted and never leaving any time soon. Which easily contributed to the length of the break his relationship was on right now.

Occasionally Carter did wonder if Bonnie was lying, though. He knew that Jennah wouldn’t lie to him, so even when he told himself otherwise later, it seemed that by this time, after hearing her side of the story multiple times, that a sliver of it had worked its way into Carter’s brain. Maybe she really did miss him. Maybe she’d only said those things because she was mad, like Jennah had told him. She was a wreck now, like Oliver had told him. Carter just needed to learn to trust people. He needed to learn to believe. He needed to learn to let other people in.

Jennah could consider herself one of a kind when it came to that. Carter enjoyed her company; he liked how she made him feel. Which was meant in the friendliest way possible, and not romantically at all. He fully regretted how he’d kissed her, thank you very much. Carter never associated much with people, however, outside of his one relationship (which, he still stubbornly told himself, had failed and now was over) but now it felt like he had one real friend. And that one friend needed him. So he simply stood there and let her cry it out, since he’d learned that talking wasn’t the best option for him. Then she showed him the blanket. The same one he’d seen fall out of her pocket and simply hadn’t mentioned earlier, to spare her from having to explain if she didn’t want to. He looked at it and when she held it out towards him, he slowly reached down and touched the soft material. He may not have identified with her pain, but he knew what pain was. “I’m sorry,” he said quietly, looking down at her. “I’m so sorry...” Carter sighed quietly, dropping his hand from her daughter’s blanket. “It’s pretty,” he murmured, looking at the panda design. “Did you make it yourself?”

[/justify][/blockquote]

---------------------------------------------------

TAGGED , JENNAH
WORDS ,

[/color] 831
OUTFIT , bam.. ahah they’re basically the same.
MUSE , packer remix of the time. hated that song in the first place. /<
NOTES ,
CREDIT , This thread template was made by LIMA of Caution 2.0.[/blockquote][/justify][/size]

[Jennah Raine Advani]

Heart break was a funny thing. Not humorous, funny. Just...strange. Heart break hurt more than anything else in the world. It hurt more than cracking your head open. It hurt more than getting shot. It hurt more than being stabbed. It hurt more than running a razor over your wrist. It was a wound that never stopped bleeding, no matter how much pressure you applied. You felt like you were dying. Happiness was just a memory. You couldn't breathe. And yet, hardly anyone seemed to really notice you suffering. Hardly anyone realized you were wasting away in your own misery.

Heart break could tear people apart. When two people hurt and don't comfort each other because they don't exactly know how to be comforting when they feel like dying. Pain and pain didn't make a heart heal. If anything it made it generally worse.

But then again, there were also times when heart break brought people together. In times of extreme tragedy, sometimes people band together to pull through whatever is going wrong. Jennah felt like that was Carter. Prior to any of this, she wouldn't have ever pictured herself crying in Clyde Barrow's arms, weeping about her lost child and letting him in to her life and showing him that she was vulnerable. Wang Cong'er and Clyde Barrow weren't supposed to be friends. She was a vigilante. He was a thief and a murderer. Yet, Jennah considered Carter to be one of her closest friends. In this particular case, something good came out of their tragedies, though it was hard for them to see with tears in their eyes. A bond came out of their tragedies. A close friendship. An unbreakable bond that Jennah had with no one else except Iskander. She had friends, yes, but Carter was her best friend. She needed him now more than ever, though she was far to proud to admit it. It was obvious in her tears and the way she held onto him. She needed him. She just needed someone who wasn't directly involved in the situation to hold her. She needed an escape, but she didn't know how to get there.

“I’m sorry,” He said when she showed him her daughter's blanket. “I’m so sorry...” He sighed, his hand leaving the baby blanket.
A poet, Carter was not. But Jennah didn't need long-winded, half-hearted apologies. What he said was fine. And it did a lot more for her than he probably even knew. She held the soft blanket to her chest again and sniffled, trying to wipe away her tears, "It's not your f-f-fault...d-don't be sorry..."

“It’s pretty,” he murmured and she nodded slightly, her hair falling in front of her face.
"Thank you," she whimpered and sniffled.
“Did you make it yourself?”

She nodded again and said, "I made it in the RSOR room. I used to keep the thread and other stuff on my lap...later i ended up slouching and putting it on my belly. It was supposed to be for her. I made it for her. Iskander watched me make it..."

She was going to wrap her daughter in it when she was born. It was going to be Jasmine's green blanket that she would cherish forever. But, apparently, that wasn't going to work out. Jennah was left with this rag and she didn't know what to do with it. She couldn't throw or give it away. So...now what?

Jennah looked up at Carter, her dark eyes shrink-wrapped in tears. "Wh-why did she have to die?" Jennah sputtered to Carter. "Why? She never did anything wrong...and I don't know what I may have done wrong for this to happen. Why her? She was-was...so...p-precious. She was mine..."

If this was some Godly retribution thing, Jennah wanted to know where she went wrong. It was eating at her. Somehow, this whole fiasco had to be her fault. It just had to. Who else could be held accountable? No one. It was her fault. All of it.

WORD COUNT: 676
LISTENING TO: nothing
COMMENTS: crap [/font]

[Carter Jared Randolph]

HERE WE GO AGAIN; WE'RE SICK LIKE ANIMALS WE PLAY PRETEND

carter randolph ,

[/font][/b]
SO TAKE IT EASY ON ME; I'M AFRAID YOU'RE NEVER SATISFIED
---------------------------------------------------[/center]

It was sort of strange, how anti-children Carter was now, and how much he’d love and appreciate them in the future. It would be pointless to go and say that Carter was never going to have kids, after all. Talia wanted them. Whatever Talia wanted, she got, even if it involved Carter’s giving in. That didn’t take a lot, after all. He was a stubborn guy and everything, but when it came to her, it didn’t take much for him to cave. He’d do anything for her. Even now, if she was in danger or hurt or just needed him, Carter would probably drop everything and do whatever he could for her. It didn’t even matter that after it all ended, they’d still be angry with each other, yell, and storm off. None of that mattered, not even in the slightest. He’d still drop everything to help her. If you asked him now, his answer would probably include some obscenities and lots of angry words, going on about how there was no fucking way in hell he’d do anything for her... but he would. If it all came down to it, of course he would. He was hurt... but he was still in love.

Talia had hurt Carter more than most people ever got hurt in a lifetime. And despite that all, regardless of everything that had gone down, he still had feelings for her. He was still in love with her, and nothing would change that. It wasn’t like Clyde was innocent, of course. He had done his fair share of horrible things to his girlfriend, his soul mate, his woman of two lifetimes. To be completely honest, he’d done a lot of shit that would have sent most women out the door a long time ago. But Bonnie had never left, and Carter thought that that meant she really loved him. That she cared about and for him, despite all of his issues – and there were sure a lot of those. That had to be the definition of true love, accepting somebody even with all of those questionable characteristics that were so numerous with Clyde in particular. They were just meant for each other. But... obviously not. Their relationship had finally met an end. They made have made it through into a second life and to each other’s sides once again, but apparently even that wasn’t strong enough to keep them together if Bonnie felt that way about him. The problem was, Carter knew deep down that Talia hadn’t meant those things. He knew that girl. He knew she rarely meant any of the stuff she said. Or the harsh stuff, anyway. But having such words directed at him... somehow it was different this time. He didn’t really want to believe what she said, but at least on the first few layers, he sure did. And now he missed her. God, he missed her. If he could only truly realize, or admit, really, that she didn’t really mean it, and if he could just get the balls to go and talk to her, maybe everything would be okay again. She couldn’t really say no to him, could he? She was missing him, she was hurting, just as much as he did for her. But that was what happened, apparently, when you get two such stubborn people on a fight like this. Neither of them would give in, no matter how badly they wanted to. No matter how much pain they were in. They sure as hell weren’t going to give in like that.

Carter frowned, watching Jennah clutch the blanket to her chest. “I know, I just...” His face kept the frown as the boy sighed gently. He didn’t really know how to explain what he’d said. To be honest, it was just the sort of thing that came to mind. Like telling people they have your sympathy at a funeral. The thing was, though, Carter really was sorry. He really did feel bad, even though he was completely unrelated to the incident. He almost felt bad, in a way, that he was moping and wallowing and his own pain and misery when Jennah, his best friend, was dealing with something as serious as this. He should buck it up and help her, right? That was the right thing to do. What he felt was no big deal. Her next words, though... Carter didn’t know how to respond. He just knew that he should, that he had to. His game plan included just going at it and hoping he didn’t sound like a fool, which is exactly what he attempted. “Things just.. happen,” he said quietly, and as he did, his gaze moved to a patch of ground away from them. And he just stared at that spot. There was a leaf there, but a breeze rolled through and swept it away. “They say that it all happens for a reason, but that’s just bullshit. Some really shitty stuff just happens sometimes. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how people get chosen for it. Maybe whoever does this to people thinks certain people can handle it, I don’t know.” Carter looked back up at her again, straight in the eye. “But it’s nothing you did, Jennah. I may not be certain about a lot of things, but I am about that. Trust me, okay? It just happened. But you’re strong, I know you can get through it.” He hated that he had nothing better to say, that the words leaving his mouth made no sense to him once they were out. But it was just that, they were out. He couldn’t take back what he’d said. So hopefully Jennah found his words mildly coherent. He could hope for that at best.

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TAGGED , jennah
WORDS ,

[/color] 965... sorry
OUTFIT , bam.. ahah they’re basically the same.
MUSE , the girl’s a straight-up hustler
NOTES , ---
CREDIT , This thread template was made by LIMA of Caution 2.0.[/blockquote][/justify][/size]